Ron Weasley and the Sorting Hat
by Hawk Wood
Summary: One Shot. What would happen if the Sorting Hat was unable to sort Ron?
1. Chapter 1

Ron Weasley and the Sorting Hat

_First year sorting The real Ronald Weasley. One shot, maybe two._

The first years walked into the Great Hall, all eyes, save Ron Weasley's were on the enchanted ceiling, he was looking at the tables, wondering where the food was.

He stood there, more or less oblivious until his name was called. Slowly, he remembered that his older brothers, Gred and Forge, told him he'd have to wrestle a troll. His ears went red immediately, but made his way up to the stool and put the Sorting Hat on.

"Hmmmmm, what have we here?" the Sorting Hat said in his head. Unlike most eleven year olds, Gideon, the Sorting Hat, was having trouble reading the red head's mind, all he could see was the boy wanting to eat.

"_No loyalty, not even for family. No bravery. No intelligence, just cleverness to play chess and Quidditch. No ambition or cleverness aside from those two games. Only learned to read so he could read up on Quidditch. No place for him, so it will have to be "_The Burrow!"

The hat was taken off of his head and he looked around, still looking for food.

"What do you mean, the Burrow, Gideon?" asked Albus Dumbledore, the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

"I mean, Headmaster is, this boy is barely above a squib in power, has no cleverness or ambition if Sorted into Slytherin, not intelligent enough for Ravenclaw, or any of the houses, for that matter. Has no loyalty or work ethic, so Hufflepuff is out, and has no bravery at all, though he would be stupid enough to be used as cannon fodder in a battle, Gryffindor is out."

There is no place in this school for Ronald Bilius Weasley. You should floo his parents to have them pick him up and take him home."

"What took you so long to not sort him?" Albus asked.

"All that was going through what must be laughingly called his mind was wanting to gorge himself at the Feast. Not another rational thought in his head," stated Gideon. "Now, let me sort the rest of the students so they can eat."

Ron perked up at the mention of food, but was disappointed when the Deputy Headmistress, Minerva McGonagall, took his arm and led him away. She settled him in a room, sealing the door and called a house elf to make some sandwiches and pumpkin juice available to the boy in the room, but not to let him leave.

Shaking her head, she went to the fireplace and took a pinch of powder, throwing it in the fire. When it turned emerald green, she shouted, "Arthur Weasley, The Burrow".

A balding man with red hair answered, Minerva told him he needed to come to Hogwarts, concerning his youngest son. 

"Arthur, I need you to come here as fast as possible." Seeing the look on his face, Minerva added, "It's about Ronald, he's not in trouble, but you need to be here. And please, don't bring Molly."

Arthur nodded and said he'd be there as soon as possible, the back out of the fire. Minerva sat back before painfully getting to her feet again.

"Missy Kitty?" she heard, turning to see the house elf, "he's eaten everything we brought and is saying he's is still hungry."

"Very well," Minerva replied, "get him some more, but stay out of his way, with the legendary Weasley appetite, it wouldn't be good to get too close when he's eating….."

The house elf nodded fearfully, well aware of how dangerous a feeding Weasley could be, and popped out. Minerva hurried back the Main Hall, and was able to eat dinner before Arthur Weasley got there.

The Headmaster made his after feast welcoming speech and sent all the students to their dorms. Minerva told him that she would bring Arthur to the Headmaster's office, then bring Ronald when needed.

She walked to the doorway and arrived at the entrance just as Arthur did, puffing a bit from the walk up to from the gates.

"This way, please, Arthur. We're heading to the Headmaster's office." Seeing the look on his face, she kindly said again, "No, Arthur, Ronald isn't in trouble, but there is a bit of a problem. We'll sort it out with the Headmaster."

Arthur nodded and followed Minerva, when they reached the entrance to the Headmaster's office, the guardian gargoyle leapt aside without anyone saying a word.

"What is this, Albus?" Arthur asked.

"I'm afraid that you'll have to take Ronald home with you, you need to home school him or something. He wasn't Sorted," Albus answered.

"Not Sorted? Has that ever happened before?" Arthur asked.

"Not in the more than the one thousand years this school as been standing," was the answer.

"Gideon," Albus said, "I know you aren't supposed to talk about the students you've Sorted, but why didn't you sort young Ronald?"

"I did, Albus, I sorted him into the Burrow," came the answer.

"The Burrow?" Arthur looked puzzled, "But that's our home."

"Let me ask it this way, Gideon, why did you sort young Ronald there?"

"Because," Gideon answered, "he doesn't have the work ethic or loyalty for Hufflepuff, he wants everything given to him. He hasn't got the brains for Ravenclaw, frankly, the most important thing on his mind was food. He hasn't got the ambition or cleverness for Slytherin, and last, but not least, he hasn't got a bit of bravery in his soul. He's a coward and not too bright. To top it all off, he's barely above the level of a squib. He just has enough magic to make a wand spark, and not enough power to do much more."

Arthur sighed. "All right, I'll take him home. Maybe we can use his tuition to feed him."

Minerva walked Arthur down to where she had placed Ronald and unsealed the door. They both caught sight of a fearful house elf dropping what looked like the fifth or sixth tray on the table in front of him. Minerva looked like she was going to be ill when she saw the lack of table manners when Ronald picked up two huge sandwiches and tried to stuff both into his mouth at the same time, the front of his robes covered in bits of food and spilled pumpkin juice.

Arthur sighed again and waved his wand, banishing the food as well as the still intact sandwiches. Ronald began to protest while his mouth was still full until he saw his father.

"Come Ronald, we're going home."

Arthur walked out, followed by Ronald, and that was the last time anyone at Hogwarts ever saw Ronald Weasley.

**A/N: A bit mean spirited, I know, but, though I've seen it once before, I think; a rabid plot bunny got me while I was cooking dinner and I had to write it down.**

**It originally was meant to be funny, but didn't turn out that way, sadly.**

**Ah well. Happy Holidays for you all.**

**Hawk Wood**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I guess I was channeling _broomstick flyer's _short story when I wrote "Ron Weasley and the Sorting Hat".**

**Sorry, Broomstick flyer, I did not mean to steal your idea, but it just hit me one night after reading a fanfic that has some particularly good Ron Weasley bashing and the idea just took off.**

**No infringement of your idea was meant.**

**Hawk Wood**

**.net/u/2461805/**

**.net/s/7625454/1/Ron_Weasley_and_the_Sorting_Hat**


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